Discover more from Adventures of Bad Hijabi
Where Did Resilience Go?
in which the inner asshole is the actual oppressor
Hello dear readers,
I’ve been absent and thanks for your patience while I’ve been away slaying dragons and battling orcs. I’m quite excited about new developments in my life—I’m currently in school learning to be a life coach and I’m in the process of launching my coaching practise and business. I’ve been managing the tuition payments on a disability pension whilst my partner has been without a job for the summer.
Grief for my mother who died May 11th, and home drama (parenting any human that’s between puberty + aged 29 is basically like LARPing Gandalf wrestling with that Balrog in LOTR but without bitchin’ magic powers) have obliterated so much of my time and attention and still I have managed to keep up with school work, to engage thoughtfully with the material in the zoom classes and mentored sessions. I have proved to myself that I can weather some utterly horrid home stuff and still show up for a mentored coaching session I forgot all about because drama and be on game. Dude, I surprised myself that day.
So, I’m back write regularly and I commit to writing daily missives here. Times are tough for everyone and you have so many talented and worthy writers + creators to choose to support, I would very much appreciate your support for my work with a paid subscription.
I’m working on a post that will address Muslim identitarianism + the western response to it. I’m gonna address the cognitive dissonance surrounding hijab that Muslim women in the west seem to grapple with vis a vis our sisters in countries governed by oppressive and deranged Islamist regimes. I’m also planning a post discusses the similarities between the sexist and homophobic extremes of Islamist gender ideology + progressive gender ideology. I’m also thinking about a series of interviews with successful people about their morning routines and secrets for personal joy.
If you have a burning desire for me to write about a particular topic, please do feel free to write and make a constructive suggestion.
The Inner Asshole
I’m gonna come out and say it. Cuz y’all are thinking it. The only force oppressing progressives is their inner asshole. The Woko Haram is a phenomenon borne of the cognitive distortions that feed feelings of victimhood and disenfranchisement. These feelings breed narcissism, which cultivates an inflexible mindset and extremist thinking. Do you ever notice the prevalence of the DSM diagnostic alphabet soup amongst progressive playing the activism schtick? In fact play a little game of do you ever notice with me.
Do ever you notice—
that those who exhibit the lowest emotional and spiritual intelligence turn to non-profit work to act out their cognitive distortions?
that our culture promotes low emotional and spiritual intelligence by giving these individuals a platform to act out and then calls that acting out activism?
that activism in the west has become grievance club for first world society elites and wannabes whose main oppressor is the asshole inside their heads?
Why are we such a bunch of whiny bastards? Has unprecedented innovation and abundance and wealth accumulation turned us into a society of self important pr1cks who actually think it is an inviolable human right to tell others they must embrace obvious contradictions and narcissistic demands, to the point of violation of their own physical boundaries— in order to have our self-limiting beliefs validated?
Do we really have grown adults throwing tantrums, lobbing violent and unhinged threats, and projecting the absolute fcuk out of every important issue, in the professional realms of medicine, journalism, and even law? Are we really seeing a contingent of “activists” who accused JK Rowling of child abuse and hate, having themselves all along supported a children’s charity which placed pedophile apologists in positions of trust? And are we still seeing mainstream media on this side of the pond largely ignore this entire scandal, from Keira Bell, to Tavistock, now through to Mermaids?? Seriously, is this happening? Are we really this cowardly and fear-driven and weak that we would ignore the evidence piling up in front of us?? (Short answer: Yes, see Nazi Germany).
Like, dude—where have all the cowboys gone???
While women in India + China are killing their female infants, while women in Iran are imprisoned + beaten + killed for refusing to cover their hair, while gay + lesbian people face the death penalty in many places around the world, we have celebrities in America evangelising their narcissism and saviour attitude, insisting that anyone who states the sexual realities of reproductive class1 is engaging in hateful annihilation + promoting fascism, and we have a cluster of activists in the UK trying to castigate same-sex attraction as bigoted. (promoting falsehoods and contradictions as unquestionable truths we must all obediently validate on pain of social ostracism, McCarthy cancellation, or worst, is the real fascism but okay)
So did resilience go out of fashion now that we have become bloated + soft?
Resilience, the power of returning to original shape after compression, originates from the Latin word resiliens, meaning to rebound or spring back when compressed. A dynamic exchange between internal and external events determines our level of resilience. Evolutionary science tells us that those who adapt have the best chance for survival—resilience really underpins survival, on a collective as well as an individual scale. Human resilience is our best shot to save the planet.
What does resilience in humans look like? What qualities make an individual resilient? What does an absence of resilience look like in humans? What qualities block an individual’s cultivation of resilience?
Let’s get primed for this discussion. I want to help you get a feel for human resilience and why it matters. I created two assessment scales to evaluate individual resilience—the Responsiveness Assessment Scale provides a positive measure of resilience + the Reactivity Assessment Scale provides a negative measure. Capturing both reactive and responsive components of resilience gives an individual a more holistic view of her capacity, strengths, and areas for improvement.
What does resilience measure?
Ability to tolerate new information + ways of thinking + doing things.
Maintaining self control in the face of failure + obstacles + change + disappointment.
Self containment, ability to let go + self sooth.
Nervous system capacity to restore balance after becoming dysregulated.
In other words, resilience means emotional + spiritual intelligence. The word intelligence originates from the Latin intelligentia, meaning the capacity of the mind to understand and discern. An absence of resilience = low emotional and spiritual intelligence, in other words, a diminished ability to understand + discern + contain emotions + self. We can use the word fragile to describe an absence of resilience. What does fragility look like?
fixed + self-limiting cognitive distortions
acting out + poor self-containment + porous boundaries
compulsive fixation with grievances, to the exclusion of all else
a commitment to misery
Meet The Inner Asshole—full of horsesh1t lies, s/he tells you smack such as: you can’t, you are weak, you are a victim and therefore not responsible, you need a saviour to fix you, any refusal to validate your ideas is bigotry, disagreement is hatred. The Inner Asshole likes to play ego games—the blame game being amongst the favourites. Pin the tail on the Scapegoat! The Inner Asshole represents the portion of the Self we cannot accept, the part of us that carries the stuck trauma, that houses all the trigger mechanisms—the wounded part of our Selves. Our wounds ooze emotional exudate, such as disenfranchisement, disillusionment, rage, grief, + despair. Our wounds speak through The Inner Asshole, that consortium of cognitive distortions clamouring to tyrannically rule our thoughts and the thoughts of all around us.
Those who seek to control everything and everyone around them do so out of an inability to control themselves. Those who need to exert power over others to feel good about themselves lack inner strength.
Consortium of Cognitive Distortions
So, what am I talking about? Extreme thinking. Radicalism. Fundamentalism. Identity Cults. Also the propaganda machines driving them—it is all the cognitive distortions of The Inner Asshole.
I’m talking about the subject matter of this Meg Smaker film.
I’m talking about the unhinged reaction Margaret Atwood received, to the point of violent threats, for posting this article on her Twitter feed.
I’m talking about a Muslimah posting hands off my hijab on her social media account in response to the video footage of women in Iran taking their headscarves off and setting them on fire.
I’m talking about an Epidemiologist stating in a hearing for a health care professional’s licensure that its doing harm to say sex is real and immutable.
I’m talking about female identifying males being accepted by the MSM, human rights worker, and even UN activists, as representing women.
I’m talking about rape survivors being called hateful bigots when they ask for rape counselling that excludes male people.
I’m talking about Muslims who claim to have memorised the Quran, insisting that the niqab or the burqa is not radical and that it’s indeed Islamic and that to even insinuate the niqab or burqa is radical = bigotry.
I’m talking about those same Muslims who have memorised the Quran, claiming to have forgotten the most important line, 2:256, there can be no compulsion in religion.
I’m talking about a highly educated and accomplished wife of a Quranic + interfaith scholar who has met with heads of state, giving a commencement address and the Facebook commenter responding to the post demanding to know why she doesn’t have her hair covered.
I’m talking about the cultish insistence on using the word Islamophobia to describe hatred against humans who follow the Muslim faith and the unhealthy obsession of progressive Muslim organisations with islamophobia, to the exclusion of other arguably more pressing issues.
I’m talking about the criticising a certain state is perpetrating hatred against the people of that state cult of projected collective guilt we aren’t allowed to speak of.
I’m speaking of the alt-right assholes who think they’re being clever when they trot out ex-Muslims visibly struggling with fixed + refractory trauma responses in order to fight their fake war on terror, which is a horsesh1t western hegemony game of Judeo-Christian supremacy mind-fcuk against Muslims masquerading as concern about extremism.
I’m talking about the woke sermons by self-appointed anti-racist activists who spew brimstone verbal diarrhea rants about white feminism + who evangelise the white privilege gaslight like it’s the new original sin.
I’m talking about the shameless thought controlling + power-mongering inherent in the amplification of obvious contradiction—such as girl babies get killed in China + India but sex isn’t real that’s super colonial boomer —such as the lack of access of toilets in the Indian subcontinent is a major factor holding back female people in that region of the world but western female people are bigots for insisting on sex-segregated toilets —such as there is no cancel culture it’s called accountability despite knowing full well the machinations: 1) which chased Kathleen Stock from her position at University of Sussex, 2) which got Maya Forstater fired from her job, 3) which has subjected Graham Linehan to numerous frivolous litigations + destroyed his marriage + tanked his career, and 4) which has tried very hard to disinvite J.K. Rowling from her own Harry Potter world.
I’m talking about a large swath of Canadian society buying into the genocidal state mass graves narrative despite no evidence yet confirming GPR findings and despite existing explanations about the unmarked graves.
I’m talking about how we’re currently pretending in Canada that mass graves and unmarked graves are synonymous.
I’m talking about the burn it all down human rights activist, who clearly was the victim when called to account for her words after a person did actually heed her call and set a church on fire.
I’m talking about how we in Canada have collective amnesia about the reality that the Catholic Church abused far beyond the indigenous community in this country and worldwide and those victims have cried for anyone to hear their stories, which have fallen on deaf ears. The largest pedophile ring in the world has an observer seat on the United Nations and has a charitable organization tax status, facts.
I’m talking about why a large swath of Canadians think the sell-out way Harper paid to protect the Catholic Church is an event to celebrate under the guise of Truth and Reconciliation.
I’m talking about how we think wearing orange shirts and infantalising the indigenous population will make up for the lack of basic physical and social infrastructure on reserves— such as running water, evidence-based + family centred + intergenerational trauma care + opportunities for innovation.
I’m talking about how we have never discussed in vulnerable honesty the fact that The Greatest Canadian was a promoter of eugenics, and why the entire Canadian media has for several years ignored the fact that a “human rights” movement sweeping through every institution of government and society is actually a eugenics movement and promotes policy that violate at least three current UN declarations.
I’m talking about how we have a PM calling Canada a genocidal nation, and this same PM has been instrumental in promoting a movement which is targeting specific profiles of children for indoctrination + removal from their parents, the very UN definition of genocide.
I’m talking about how we find ourselves in a culture of human rights activism that believes destroying the integrity of the family unit is promoting decolonial thinking + tolerance + inclusivity.
I’m talking about how, in the days immediately following the murder of George Floyd by a police officer, we all watched mobs of raging humans throng and swarm around monuments which they destroyed in a mass rage and called that violence justified and called that mob anti-racist protesting.
I’m talking about how we are pretending PQ’s Bill 21 is not a response to extremism triggered by memories of the Duplessis era + also about how survivors of theocratic regimes trend toward high valuation of laicite, and how instead we choose to believe the narcissistic woke lie that it’s racist to want laicite in PQ.
What does this all mean??
It means we suck at tolerating discomfort + disagreement individually and we bleed a putrid psychological wound exudate onto and into society and it shows up as our puerile demands that others tolerate the discomfort and disagreement which for ourselves we refuse to do.
It means we suck at taking responsibility for our sh1tty baggage + our cognitive distortions that pile up inside our minds like rotting corpses. Our romanticisation of fragility + the concomitant compulsion to act out a twisted saviour trope is slowly choking the life out of us as a human collective.
Fascism + populist politics rise from the ashes of disconnect, it rises from individual rage + despair, both manipulated to keep the military industrial complex + its shareholding elite—or the complex of religious extremist clerics + and their bagmen2 elite + the associated armed factions they fund—as well as the sycophantic public following from both sides—all sated.
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Hope for the Future— Action Items
Take courage, dear heart! We have no time for that pointless self-worship known as despair. The universe contains so much vastness—all of this lives inside you + inside me + inside that asshole walking down the street whom neither of us knows + inside my Siamese cat who is currently napping on my pillow as I write this.
Imagine that your existence is a giant work-out gym—every single thing you encounter presents an opportunity to get stronger, wiser, more skilled, to increase your capacity to sit with + carry yourself through the moments that feel heavy and dark.
Here are 10 simple actions you can take in your little corner of the universe. None of these action items costs money, requires you to buy any books or courses or any fcuking thing at all—you can do this stuff anywhere, anytime, in any station of life. This is your life, own it. Stop cheating yourself by waiting for others to save you, you are it! Ride that bitch, baby.
Remember that God does not help those who are unwilling to change conditions for themselves first, because freedom requires responsibility + we are here to choose God freely. Also remember that NOT choosing God is a choice and someone else’s choice is none of your business—you are responsible for the state of grace of your soul, not for being God’s used car salesman. Think of EGO = Energy Going Out.
Relieve yourself from mental slavery—remember that song?
morning routine—commit to yourself by providing the consistency that will help you thrive: early and consistent wake-up time, sunlight + overhead light in your eyes as soon as possible on waking + daily exercise, ending your morning shower with a cold water flash. avoid social media on first waking, and for several hours, using it sparingly + intentionally when you do + read + do some writing + meditative practise instead.
gratitude practise—the human brain has evolved to detect danger and so it will direct your focus to problems and potential dangers in an effort to protect you. Reframe, lean into embodiment and be in the present moment and ask how your life could feel better if you decided to focus on creating a gratitude list.
feel, don’t think, your emotions—stay with yourself, resist the urge to tell a story, state follows story and you can easily take yourself down a spiral when you create a dramatic narrative about your felt sense. Lean in and resist the urge to ruminate on what you cannot change. Binge watch netflix or prime, go outside and play in the forest, or dig your toes in the sandy beach or the mud puddle. disrupt your maladaptive circuitry in self compassionate ways—find awe and humour and joy in the world around you.
stop thinking, just stop it. overthinking = the bane of existence. really, it’s my personal kryptonite and I have to set limits because my inner asshole can go wild in the overthinking department.
set limits on the bad news you shove into your eyes and ears, set limits on the amount of manipulative drama posing as news you indulge—saying no to something can mean saying yes to you.
know and live by your values, as opposed to the cause célèbre du jour—do you know why you are supporting that cause, whatever it is? are you doing it because facebook or some mindlessly simping journo said to do it or are you genuinely living by your values?
learn to tolerate being misunderstood, how others perceive and treat you is about them not you, and how you perceive and treat others is about you, not them. stop making what others do and say about you; take responsibility for you + your behaviours.
seek acceptance and tolerance and validation from yourself above all others.
replace the urge to judge yourself or others with compassionate curiosity—seek to understand instead of label and compartmentalise.
notice how you treat yourself—are you bullying yourself? be your own beloved. are you running from yourself? where are you running to? remember, wherever you go there you are.
What’s the worst thing that could happen if you chose to stop letting fear govern you? How would your life change if you decided to commit to joy rather than misery? How would your life look and feel if you decided to let go of the negative judgements you have about others + embraced compassionate curiosity? What if you decided to focus less on the behaviours of others you cannot control and focus more on your thoughts, the feelings they create and the behaviour the fuel in you? What if you changed the way you respond to stuff that harshes your buzz, pisses you off, generates uncomfortable feelings within your body? What if you could observe your trauma responses and study their triggers?
What if the real revolution was simply showing up every fcuking day, especially when you don’t want to or feel you cannot, to turn that bloody flywheel of life? A revolution is a complete turn of a circle. Show up and turn your flywheel.
That’s the compassion revolution.
*I’m in the process of completing my training as a Life Coach + launching my own coaching practise + business. I’m offering free 1 hour coaching sessions to accumulate the practise hours for certification. You can visit my website to learn more about my practise mission + values and book a session. I would love to sit down with you and talk about what matters to you and what you would like to achieve.
ie boys are male children and have penises and girls are female children and have vulvas and boys cannot become girls and girls cannot become boys
the word in this context denotes fundraising