Hiding in the Divine
taking the opportunity for spiritual formation during our fearful and uncomfortable times
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“While I draw this fleeting breath,
when mine eyes shall close in death,
when I soar to worlds unknown,
see thee on thy judgment throne,
Rock of Ages, cleft for me,
let me hide myself in thee.” — from Rock of Ages
Happy hump day!
I’ve written another short essay inspired by the Devo Worship daily devotional. This morning the Devo Worship team sang Rock of Ages and mentioned a passage from Colossians 3:1-4, in which Paul describes living as made in Christ. Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things, says line 2 of this passage. What we focus on grows, so, when we seek refuge in our worries and fears then we necessarily turn away from G-d. Fun fact: evil means simply turning away from gd. That’s it. Yes, really — it’s that simple.
Now more than ever I think we as a humanity and society and culture face some fundamental choices on how we navigate daily life and the challenges it presents us, and even forces upon us. Secular culture has so many alluring forces that try to draw us into a system of self-identity that immerses us in fear and anger and outrage and retributive thinking. It’s why cancel culture has dominated — the big social media platforms incentivise us towards these toxic ways of engaging that lead to terminal despair and self worship. It becomes a habit to engage despair. It becomes a habit to engage in glorification of the worldly. Fun fact: worshipping and glorifying our feelings about our experiences qualifies as idolatry. It’s ultimately a dead end.
Reader, I reject despair and fear!
“Attitude is the aroma of the spirit.”— Brian Zahnd
Yesterday I quoted Derek Vreeland, formation happens in the waiting. Reader, it’s quite true, no matter how much to our chagrin. Resistance training challenges us, anything that builds strength and fortitude and endurance and resilience will challenge us and maybe bring discomfort. I’ll share a bit of my WhatsApp conversation with my older sister from this morning because it ties in with my reflection here.
Me: I'm an over-thinker with an imagination and that's my big problem. Deliberately not perseverating on the panic is really important. What we focus on grows.
Diane: Exactly. What we focus on is where are hearts go. Remember reading about Peter and walking to Jesus on the water? When he lost focus on Jesus, he started to sink.
Me: Yes. Very good point. I absolutely remember hearing about that as a kid in church etc. I see through this [present] tribulation [of mine] how so much of modern culture relating to the self is idolatrous. Like building an identity out of psychiatric symptoms, basically secular identity that revolves around victimhood takes us down a path of despair.
Diane: Matthew 14:22-33.
As punditry becomes common fare, and so many people share their feelings about opinions on Charlie Kirk, his murder, and the reaction, I feel the need to retreat from that stuff, and remain in the periphery. I can see the wisdom in reserving one’s opinion, ie the notion that we can have no public opinion about things be okay, that we can move through life without engaging the rage-baiting and fear-baiting systems of discourse and self identity. Over the past several years it’s become more evident that victimhood self-identity and malaise self-identity harm the psyche very much, they poison our spirituality. At the base level spirituality means relationship with the self, in one’s heart.
We received a call from Vancouver General Hospital this morning, notifying us that I’m on the day surgery queue, meaning as of tomorrow morning I could get the call to go to the hospital to get my ankle surgery. Meaning I must be NPO after midnight starting tonight. If the call doesn’t come through by 9 am, then it’s not happening that day. And we do this until I get the call to have the ORIF surgery on my ankle. It feels a bit like psychological torture, reader. It’s a loss of control imposed onto of a loss of control related to a loss of functional capacity.
I had some periods of panic yesterday evening and this morning. The more I focus on my physical symptoms of panic the worst I feel and the deeper and more intense becomes my panic! Where is your heart, Roxanne? Shhhh. Rest in the hands of the Almighty. I cannot tell you the number of times I’ve recently said the Jesus prayer silently throughout the day and at times in the night when I find myself awake. Lord Jesus, Son of Man, have mercy on me, a sinner. Also, I’m quite ecumenical and not hinged on denomination and reject the Protestant versus Catholic rivalry thing, and the Catholic girl in me lives on, always has done — so, the Hail Mary prayer habitually comes to mind when I’m fearful because it’s what I would say growing up and into adulthood when in distress. Prayer has become a part of my spiritual formation in my faith journey, as I walk with the Divine.
Despairing feels easy and can become habitual. It’s unhealthy like a cocaine addiction, a gambling addiction, a shopping addiction. It reveals an attitude toward life, doesn’t it? This is not the end, though. Brian Zahnd hits this key concept home in his sermon on the Day of the Holy Cross, also in his sermon on Joy.
“G-d is with us … this is not the end.” — Brian Zahnd
I write from a Jesus Way perspective and do acknowledge that it’s what works for you reader in your chosen faith practise. Those humbly practising Judaism or Islam have different processes to guide them to do this very same thing, walk with the Divine. Whatever you call it, whatever language you invoke, whatever your ritual, it matters more where your heart focus lies.
Where is your heart? On what do you focus? Where do you devote your energies? What intentions hide in your heart? There’s a mystical wisdom in dying to self. It really means let go, let gd.
What if the forging of our Spirit in the image of G-d means learning to live with things and experiences and people we don’t like? What if these things serve as birthing pains for the world in which we participate?
The butterfly needs the struggle entailed in emerging from its chrysalis in order to survive birth and live. We call that process eclosion. You can see a time lapse video below.
What is your eclosion? How can you engage this giving birth to yourself with compassion?