A Wise Teacher in our Midst
reflections on an important person of my year
I have, over time, developed quite a critical eye and mind when it comes to religious education and mentoring, particularly my own. In the spirit of the high holiday season, I chose to share a picture and story of the wise impactful teacher rather than share a screenshot of and kvetching about the disappointing political performance of an unwise teacher that I initially wanted to share. I have this year profoundly learned that what I focus on grows, so I choose my amplifications more carefully now: here is one of the rare wise religious teachers in our midst. This year he has drawn me away from the precipice of extreme thinking without ever trying and he has led me to become more thoughtful and less reactive and I understand the notion of healing in human connection in a way I didn’t previously. I was introduced to the Torah through the lens of his heart and I am profoundly altered each time I study the Torah.
October 7th and the response thereto revealed to me who is not qualified to impart any teaching to me, for the simple fact they lack the wisdom to teach the knowledge they possess. I felt disappointed to see people whom I admired and respected fall short of the moral threshold I set for people who occupy such stations. Individuals who promoted concepts like radical love, tolerance, peaceful coexistence, and choosing g-d over ego seemed to chose ego and forget g-d as they sunk into the familiar comfort of overt Jew hatred that the Muslim collectively espouses.
A well known journalist asked haughtily on X “what’s wrong with Muslims” and then unfollowed me when I responded angrily — that disingenuous assholery is where even the best minds landed in the aftermath of the October 7th pogrom. Self included, if I’m honest—the net effect of witnessing the atrocities as I did was to fcuk with my head for a good several months. Several people stayed where they landed intellectually, in that bad sh1tty spot, however 10/7 reset the tastes driving my intellectual and spiritual consumption. The journalist in question is a Hindu, so maybe I should have ask her, “what’s wrong with Hindus” since my dad was from a Hindu family and I heard about a lot of abuse of women and I wonder why anyone would follow such a religion—my dad never practised his own family religion because he didn’t agree with the misogyny.
Let’s pause and reflect.
Reader, do you see how such idiocy and evil small mindedness can lead to nefarious projections onto innocent people? Do you see how doing this has the opposite effect you intended, harm, because it erects a wall where a bridge could be? This Hindu journo I’m speaking of isn’t responsible for the abuses I’m thinking of anymore than any practising Muslim is responsible for the hate of which she was speaking now playing out in Canada. Blaming individuals for the social effervescence they’re trapped inside seems unwise and intellectually lazy and irresponsible. Blaming individuals for the most extremes in their group is unwise and intellectually lazy also deeply irresponsible and it further embeds extremism into society rather than dispels and dislodges it. It seems intolerant and boring.
To use a wound care metaphor—making a tunneling wound bigger isn’t helping cure said tunneling wound.
The gift this person gave me through her insensitive remarks about what’s wrong with Muslims was the flash of clarity and vision of the impact of her words, and the chutzpah to do what I needed to do—give myself permission to leave an abusive collective like I had done before. I don’t think anything is wrong with Muslims, I think a predatory social psychology has taken over the Muslim faith community and I don’t know how its grip will loosen and I don’t feel inclined to try to stick around and fix it, that’s not my journey with and to The Divine. I serve G-d not any human cult that claims to own Her. Worship must be rational and meaningful or it’s not for G-d. Hate is contagious and it’s a neuroendocrine storm of compulsion etc etc — it’s a powerful addiction to an idea about other humans. How would a misguided human know the difference between G-d and effervescent compulsive hatred? They wouldn’t maybe … scary. That’s a delusion, a psychiatric disruption in a person’s mentation. I left Islam immediately after 10/7. I felt incredibly hurt and unmoored and betrayed and ashamed and confused by an entire faith community’s apathy to horror and terror. Where the heck did G-d go? I did not know. Except I knew She was in people around me, and I had to find out who. So I did that.
I’m no longer convinced I can find G-d in any religious collective: tribal loyalty and loyalty to G-d at some point will conflict and religions want you to be loyal to the gang and obediently gang signal, they’re uninterested in values-based living that lead the faithful to critical free will choices. Religion is incompatible with free will. Pick one you cannot have both now. My leaving Islam after seeing the Muslim faith community endorse the 10/7 pogrom of Jews makes me a poor choice to convert to Judaism according to one local progressive reform rabbi. My spouse isn’t interested in amputating a body part so I can join a religion and that would be hugely excessive of me to ask—I am obviously opposed to amputation of a body part for a moral indoctrination or tribal purification, anyone reading me knows that, it’s never been a secret so I must be consistent in my values, mustn’t I? Anyway this isn’t my body part therefore not my choice. I’m religiously homeless now. Choosing G-d came at a big price — exclusion from human collectives. It’s quite lonely I feel cast aside and hurt by humanity yet I’m not sorry I chose the right path even if it’s the lonely one.
So now I live outside the camp because choosing life and choosing against hate means I’m a disobedient tribe member. Religious freedom, well it’s bodily autonomy really, for my spouse means no religion for me because I’m a female. I’m sad about this and I accept it gracefully. I am alone with g-d and support from any community has always seemed like an unattainable thing I tell myself I want. Faith community is a lie I am led to think, maybe my mother was indeed right about that. Why do I still yearn for it, then? Or maybe it’s all my yetzer hara knowing what buttons of mine to push. Religion is dead because g-d isn’t there anymore, religion killed g-d, or maybe She left before religion could get a chance to kill Her. Anyway. Nietzsche much? Don’t be so macabre, Roxanne. Also G-d isn’t a man so why is religion so annoyingly hyper masculine and chauvinistic? Looking at this with my modern cynical mind, maybe it isn’t surprising that a hyper-masculine entity called religion wants to kill a feminine entity called G-d. That’s the human condition, isn’t it?
Muh. Annnnyyyyywaaaayyyy.
My chosen religious educators and leaders have demonstrated they’re wise and that’s why I listen to them and that’s why I give them the power to change my mind about stuff. Having the power of influence over anyone is a complex responsibility and teachers take that on when they teach. It’s a sacred task and many don’t appreciate how sacred it is. As an adult student, I give that power to my educators and I can take it away anytime. And I do. That’s called adulthood. I am truly grateful for the wise amongst us who struggle and still come out miles ahead of the others.
Guarding my heart is important and guarding my brain is a part of that. Not just anyone gets the keys to my psyche, and so, here is someone who has a measure of access to my psyche. Let me tell you about my friend Lee Weissman.
I first came across Lee when my father was dying and I was staying alone in a fancy hotel room in Winnipeg, on one of last my visits with my dad. I was struggling and alone and terrified of the loss facing me. My best friend was apathetic and emotionally unavailable. I was estranged from my siblings and angry at my mother, who was failing herself. We couldn’t afford for Robert to accompany me, it was a terrible time with multiple hardships and trials for us as a family. I was talking to Robert on the phone one evening, sobbing uncontrollably, and he said gently and quietly in his English way, this is your jihad, knowing I had recently taken an interest in Sufism. I did a search because the controversy around the word jihad intrigued me.
I found a bloke called Jihadi Jew, I found his blogspot blog. I read everything. I went back and read it again. Eventually, in some time, I looked for more and found him on Instagram and Facebook and Xwitter. From his own social media posts I gathered he was weathering some kind of transition in his life. I remember when his mother died. And when he moved across the USA from California to Maryland. Covid came and forced everyone to seek new ways of connecting to fill the gaping void social distancing plunged us into, headlong.
What kept Lee on my radar was his simplicity, his consistency of values and his ability to see his own tribe critically whilst having unique compassion for the designated enemy. Also, G-d, the Universal Programmer. Lee’s good struggle kept him on my radar as I did my own good struggle in messy chaotic fashion. I prayed for my own relief or comfort or anything. I cried out gracelessly and honestly in my messy agony. Perhaps G-d answers our prayers with other humans, by creating conditions where our paths collide with certain others. Speaking neurobiologically, Polyvagal Theory would say that Lee is a safe human, meaning he sends out safety cues as opposed to danger cues. I endorse this perspective of human interaction. We each emit safety and danger cues on an ongoing basis. We each receive a plethora of cues. This is social connection between humans, between mammals. The road to peace is the vagus nerve and Lee embodies this in a perfectly meted out balance. The power of this kind of compassionate restraint moves me a lot.
Lee is one degree away from several controversial figures and he’s mostly nonplussed by it all. Bibi played pool in his house in Philly growing up. Daniella Weiss was at his home for Shabbat dinner once. He’s had a few conversations with Gershon Baskin. He taught Ben Shapiro high school. Lee grew up in long shadow of the Holocaust in a secular Ashkenazi setting—being the Jewish kid beaten up by catholic kids in Philly. As a young boy, Lee prayed with his grandfather, who showed up to Shul for prayers quorum. Lee was kicked out of Hebrew school for giving an award winning speech on peace in the context of the Israel versus Palestine conflict. He studied South Asian and Religious Studies and became an Orthodox Jew in adulthood, to the chagrin of his family who didn’t necessarily like him adopting a lifestyle choice that makes him look like a Fiddler on the Roof extra.
Lee didn’t die in the Sbarro Pizza terrorist attack because he chose chicken that day, cancer took his thyroid gland and not his ability to speak and not his life —this is how close my lovely Jewish friend has been to some very weird scary stuff—he takes it in stride, he trusts G-d. I find it brilliantly inspiring, and deeply humbling, to be a witness to this kind of exquisite humanity. He is teaching me to trust through our friendship and it’s like birthing a cactus some days. Lee lives in a more Sephardic and less Ashkenazi setting now. He coexists with uncomfortable elements in a way I admire. In the past he has worked with young radicalised people, his handle jihadi jew has afforded him the opportunity to quietly talk people out of the worst decisions they could have made, ie to join ISIS.
A chemistry I don’t fully grasp repels me from certain humans and draws me toward certain other humans, such as Lee. I like him because he’s wise enough to know that we must meet extremism with curiosity and not judgement. I admire his capacity to do what seems remarkable and daunting to me, engage the highly disagreeable agreeably. I feel as though I behave like less of an asshole under the influence of Lee Weissman—I wish to learn from one I consider a master of his craft, hoomaning. So I stay close and I watch and hopefully learn. What provides the best measure of all? It’s that I am a better spouse and mother, an all around better human being, it’s that I can be fully present as a new Bubbie and that I feel more joyful and grateful in my roles as each and all and feel the scabs of massive grief wounds of the past decade falling away. All this I could do and experience because of the influence + teachings of + connection with one human being who is simply serving G-d the way he best knows how—with love and humility.
This has been a good year because of the way G-d led me into one human’s path.
Absolutely lovely. Thank you so much for sharing.